Pleasure Centre: Je Joue's Uma Vibrator - Par Femme

by Par Femme

The Je Joue Uma vibrator is the most exciting thing to have happened to my vagina since I quit waxing back in 2014. Its arrival has also come at a very curious chapter in my romantic life. With the exception of one drunken, dating app-orchestrated dalliance with a grown man who actively chose to furnish his room with nothing but a mattress on the floor and a ‘MUSIC, BEER AND SUNSHINE’ poster tacked to the wall (welcome to the Sydney dating pool!), my sex life has been as arid as the drought-stricken farmlands in NSW of late.

Instead of praying for rain (the favoured tactic deployed by my vagina and I), we resolved to take matters into our own hands. The “world’s most beautiful vibrator” was called upon to fill the role, and with its five speeds and seven titillating patterns, it went above and beyond what the job description required. Dating apps were deleted, social calendars were wiped clean, nights in became my modus operandi, and an Employee of the Month certificate was sent to the printer.

From the outset, the Uma made light work of my clitoris. There are myriad reasons why the initial climax came so easily—the thrill of testing a new sex toy, my bone-rattling hangover that day (which always correlates with a heightened libido), the porn that filled in the blanks of my flailing imagination, and my ultra-sensitive clit. Subsequent trials turned up similar results (with and without the aid of stimuli/the wrath of a thousand wines), suggesting that this is almost definitely the most efficient vibrator in the biz. The Uma has five different vibration levels, from a low subtle rumble to an intense finish, although I found that the first three levels were strong enough for me when it came to external play.

My Uma-aided clitoral orgasms were as long and intense as they were swift to come about. Thanks to its length and bulbous design, the Uma can also be tasked with stimulating the G-spot, and while I have only ever climaxed once from penetration alone, I thought it would be rude of me not to give the Uma a chance to double that number. Alas, I can still count the number of times I’ve had a G-spot orgasm on one finger, yet I don’t consider this a failure. Far from it! I was able to relax and take my time to work through each of the seven patterns, and most impressively, the deeper echelons of my vagina responded happily to all five vibration levels.

Some other important things to note: with its low-level humming, the Uma is a discreet choice for those living in shared quarters (even for the more paranoid masturbators among us). It’s 100% waterproof, can be used as a clitoral vibrator during sex, and is completely rechargeable.

If you have any questions, pop them in the comments section below. I’ll be over here collecting more evidence that this is not only the world’s most beautiful vibrator, but also the best. Get it here.
Par Femme
Par Femme



Also in Stories

A Sexologist on How to Ask for What You Want

A Sexologist on How to Ask for What You Want

by Maddy Woon

"Communication is the absolute foundation of maintaining a happy and healthy sex life, especially when in relationships."
Pleasure Centre: Svakom's Nymph

Pleasure Centre: Svakom's Nymph

by Par Femme

"The silky pink vibrator entered my life just as I was coming to terms with the underwhelming reality of men who do not prioritise your pleasure."
The Case for Couples Therapy (In Your Twenties)

The Case for Couples Therapy (In Your Twenties)

by Maddy Woon

Three twenty-somethings on how couples therapy strengthened their relationships—both with themselves and their partners.